Sunday, September 18, 2011

Shit That Pisses Me Off: 1 - Overpowered Video Game Bosses

Welcome to "Shit that Pisses Me Off" where I rant about anything and everything. Comment, follow and enjoy!

Overpowered Video Game Bosses

Warning: Content may contain spoilers for Street Fighter 4.

I haven't had time to play too many video games lately with all of my various projects going on, and my Xbox 360 seems pretty lonely. Needing to brush up on my fighting skills before I pick up the new Mortal Kombat game, I decided to pop in Street Fighter 4 and fuck around with it a little bit, not really remembering why I stopped playing it in the first place without getting all 1000 juicy Gamer Points.

Now keep in mind, I'm in no way new to fighting games. I've literally been playing Mortal Kombat since I was 3 years old. I grew up loving games like Mortal Kombat 2, Street Fighter 2, Tekken 2, Marvel vs. Capcom 2... why all the good ones ended in 2 I have no idea. I'll admit, I've always been significantly better at Mortal Kombat than I have been at Street Fighter. I mastered Mortal Kombat 1 through Trilogy, but I find with the new generation consoles that I'm going to have to invest in an arcade stick if I'm going to conquer any fighters now because the controllers are just too clunky. The D-Pad is stiff and the Left Stick doesn't always register the right moves. Yet, in all my years of gaming I have rarely ever gotten more frustrated with an end game fighting boss than I have with Street Fighter 4's. His name is Seth. He's bald, he's blue and you can see his intestines.

Seth... first off what the fuck kind of name is Seth for a Street Fighter BOSS? What if Akuma had been named, I don't know... Eric? And instead of M.Bison you got Bill. I laughed when I bought this game and first saw the name of the last boss. I laughed and then I got pissed off when he beat the shit out of me. I can't remember who I was initially playing as, probably Guile who I was pretty good with back in the day. Either way, he fucked me up royally and I have yet to beat him with Guile.

What makes Seth so fucking awful is that Capcom had the brilliant idea, as with a lot of final bosses in fighting games, of giving Seth a combination of various other characters' over powered moves. Such as Zengief's Spinning Pile Driver, which Seth LOVES to use if you get close enough to him to land a major combo, Guile's Sonic Boom, and a shit ton more. He even has a few annoying, shitty moves of his own, like Tanden Engine which forces your character to be pulled close to Seth where he can Spinning Pile Drive you to death, or spam some Sonic Booms before you can move. Seth can also Yogi Teleport (thanks a lot, Dhalsim) over to your ass and Pile Drive you some more if you do manage to escape his vortex of doom. Even on the easiest difficulty setting I find myself having to replay the final match over and over again, especially if I'm using a character I'm not familiar with. Just because I'm on the easiest difficulty setting doesn't mean I expect him to just stand there and do nothing, but does he have to be so fucking cheap about it? One time I got him down to 1/4th health using Ryu's Tatsumaki Senpukyaku over and over along with a full health bar of my own and all of a sudden none of my special moves would work! It was like the game cut off all special moves on MY end, but big ugly blue was still vortexing me and shit. I still beat Seth, but damn. This game will do ANYTHING it takes to win, even if it means cheating. It does not like to lose.

What could possibly be even more frustrating? The achievement/trophy list. Yeah. Have you seen that son of a bitch? One achievement requires you to unlock all characters. To do that, you have to beat the Arcade Mode with certain already obtained characters. The last character you get to unlock is Seth himself, after you beat Arcade Mode with every other character in the game. That's 23 fucking times of beating this asshole. There's also another achievement where you have to beat Arcade Mode on Medium or above with every single character. Good fucking luck with that one, Medium feels more like Hard. Not only that, but the achievement "Legendary Champion" asks that you defeat Gouken (another unlockable character) AND clear Arcade Mode on Hardest Difficulty all in one, however the biggest catch is that to get Gouken to appear you have to have won 1 perfect round, performed at least 3 ultra-combo finishers and also manage to pull off getting the first attack of the round 5 times. Oh, did I mention you also have to do all this and defeat Seth without losing/continuing? Fuck that.

On top of Seth, there have been various other end game bosses who have pissed me off over the years. General RAAM from Gears of War, Lou from Guitar Hero 3 (on Expert), Noob Saibot from Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3, and the list can just keep going on and on. However, most of these bosses are only a bitch on harder difficulties. They start Seth off on an annoyingly difficult level, and as you progress to higher difficulties he becomes controller breaking unbearable until all you do is spam Zangief's Double Lariat and pray that the AI malfunctions!

The only other bosses to have frustrated me more than Seth are the two end bosses in the Xbox Live Arcade port of Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3. With this release there is no difficulty setting, they already took care of that for you by automatically setting it to Hardest. Remember back in the day when arcades would set games to the hardest difficulty to rip you off so you'd spend more quarters? That's exactly what Microsoft did here, except once you spend 800 MSP on this pile of shit you can't go back. The controls are also awful. If you use the Left Stick you're fucked. If you use the D-Pad you're STILL fucked. Jumping is exceedingly difficult. This game port is so fucking vile and detestable that they actually removed it from Xbox Live Arcade and only the regretful sons of bitches like myself who bought this game prior to it getting pulled are able to still access it. I have still yet to beat this port, and I seriously doubt that I ever will.

*Tourettes Guy Voice* UPDATE! I finally beat the port of this game a few months after I posted this originally on my website. I now have the full 200 GS on this awful arcade title.

Making any boss this difficult in ANY game (especially on the easiest difficulties) makes players lose interest in the game after a while. You might be determined at first to beat what seems unbeatable to you, but we all know it quickly gets old, frustrating and tiresome. This is the reason I haven't acknowledged the existence of Super Street Fighter 4. Bottom line, it's bullshit.


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